Thanksgiving

Cranberries. For some, this small berry is an essential enhancement for Thanksgiving meal. I'm not even sure if we had it on our table in my childhood. I certainly didn't seek it out. Last year a bag of cranberries in the produce aisle caught my attention. Deciding to see what the fuss was all about, I took the bag home and followed the simple directions on the bag. To my surprise, making cranberry sauce is incredibly easy. And it's tasty! I love the way the berries sound when they are popping over the boiling water. So now cranberries are a part of our tradition. Yum.

Big news and a step in faith

A month ago I posted my feeling that God was preparing us for something BIG! While I didn't have any preconceived notions on what exactly this might mean, Jess and I have been open to conception since May. Right before Halloween I took a pregnancy test and discovered that we are pregnant!

This pregnancy feels A LOT different from my pregnancy with Jake. For the past month I've felt nauseous about three-quarters of every day. I've been consuming great quantities of food, seeing as this is the thing that seems to help the most. My belly has already popped out and prompted me to dig out maternity clothes, which is WAY earlier than I expected or would like. At nine weeks pregnant, I look four months. Guess my body remembers what to do. At work I've gotten several knowing looks from colleagues but none have directly asked. (Thank you.)

I've been crawling into bed shortly after putting Jake down (and sometimes even before he's down.) While I'm fatigued, this early turn in is mostly an attempt to escape how crummy I feel through the balm of sleep. I'm chilled most of the time and have intestinal issues to boot. (Perhaps my body is rebelling against all the fiber I'm consuming?) Some days have been a struggle just to make it back to my pillow. I've been grumpy, short in patience, introverted, selfish and generally not much fun to be around. (Though this time my Scrabble game isn't effected!)

This morning a dear friend called and we were able to chat for nearly a half hour. Her call was truly a gift from God. He spoke wisdom through her and this conversation has challenged my faith. You see, while I'm so grateful to be blessed with this gift of life, I've also been afraid to get attached to him or her. Several of my friends have had miscarriages and this has left a huge impact on me. I've grieved for their babies and hopes lost and acutely realized that this can or could be me. This seed has caused me to withhold my trust from God.

My dear girlfriend, who recently lost a baby after five months of pregnancy, shared that she loves being pregnant. During pregnancy she feels that she's a mother to her unborn child already and desires to be the best mother she can, even while baby is in the womb. I hadn't thought about that. This idea radically changes my current attitude.

I'm a mother right now to this child, even if in spirit. So what kind of legacy do I want to share with this sweet pea, even if I do not get to carry her to full term? When we meet, on Earth or in Heaven, do I really want her experience of me to be that of a grumpy, uncomfortable, impatient and hard to please person? What if these feelings somehow get implanted on her little soul?

So, I'm going to walk forward in faith. I'm going to choose to trust my God every day. When I find myself mistrusting or holding back, I need to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and aid in continuing to trust.

I'm going to trust that He loves me enough to bless us with this awesome gift. I'm going to trust that He is knitting her (or him!) together in my womb and He has a plan for her (and for us!) This soul certainly is His, and we are merely a stewards as parents. But I am a mom to this child now. What kind of mom to I want to be? I shall not let my physical discomfort shape my attitude. I know that I'll still be uncomfortable but I cannot let this affect how I relate to others.

Jake clearly senses something is different. He's been all about momma, wanting to be held and carried around, whereas normally he's quite fiercely independent. I wonder if knows that his world is going to radically change this summer. Do kids have that kind of intuition?

Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment. I'm looking forward to hearing a heartbeat!

Dear friend, you know who you are. Thank you for calling. Thank you for sharing your faith walk with me these many years. You are encouraging, brave and strong. I love and admire you. Thank you for reminding me that it's not all about me. Thank you for reminding me that He can be trusted, even if things turn out differently than I hope. Thank you for gently nudging me in the right direction. I needed the nudge.

Blessings

I feel like God is trying to prepare me for something big. Not sure what, but He is proving again and again that He will provide for us all the while. We've been blessed by some wonderful gifts lately. A co-worker asked if I would like some of her son's hand me downs. I readily agreed and she brought THREE bags of clothes in the size Jake just transitioned into wearing. There were eight pairs of soft cotton long sleeve pajamas as well as 2T tops and bottoms. I feel so wonderfully blessed by this bounty. Another friend asked if he could bring over dinner since he felt prompted by the spirit. Normally my pride would say, "Thanks, but we're okay." But I readily accepted since Jess and I have been so overwhelmed with work and fatigue lately. He came over tonight with an enchilada dish that was better than anything I've eaten in a restaurant or in Mexico! The sides were yummy and dessert was decadent. Praise God for all the blessings. We feel so loved!

Slip-n-slide

Wow. Jake's first slip in slide. This is a big moment! Yes, he had help, but this activity is a sign of a growing boy! In a moment he turned from a baby to a toddler to a boy. Jake liked it so much he went back for more though we were too busy having fun to tape anything else.

Sweet plums

Jake has been enjoying the fruit of someone else's harvest.

Plums seem to be his new favorite fruit.

Bountiful harvest

We harvested 15 tomatoes from our small garden this weekend and have been thoroughly enjoying tomato sandwiches 1-2x a day. We'd love to share so if you live nearby, make a lunch date at the Johnson abode!

Finally found the offending devourer of tomatoes. Once again, while I wasn't very happy to see him or her, I couldn't quite bring myself to terminate the life of this beautiful garden parasite. So it has been relocated. Would make a tasty feast for a bird. He's engorged by some of our harvest.

Chinese Lanterns

This was my favorite new firework at Festivus this year. Even I had to get in on the action. (Thanks for honoring my inner child, Brent!)

Celebrating the hippopatomus

Jake loves Sandra Boyton books. She prominately features fat animals singing and dancing. One of her favorites is the hippo. I thought her inspiration was mere silliness until I spent some time in front of the hippopatomus exhibit at the St. Louis Zoo. Under water these creatures are so graceful and fluid. Guess that teaches me yet another lesson on making judgments based on first appearance.

Hand made

Are you salivating?

I am.

Yes, it was as good as it looks.

Karri picked the berries (and encountered poison ivy in the picking.)

Every trip to the farm leaves me in awe of how talented my aunt and cousins are.

The Hungry Caterpillar quilt will bless a new child's room. Precious, huh!

My Aunt Sarah has designed a quilt weaving all 11 Festivus t-shirts together.

She's promised to craft one for me if I send her all the t-shirts. Yeah!

Mile marker

We looked at some photo albums from last summer.

It's amazing how much he's grown.

Jake put on his own shoes today.

True, they were Crocs.

But, he got them on the right feet.

Now he's happily wearing sunglasses, even ASKING for them in his own way.

"Eyeeeees!" (This means I want my sunglasses, Mommy.)

Which, of course, is different from "EyEs." (Ask in, look Mommy, I have eyes. Or look, this dog has eyes.)

I cannot imagine how different things are going to be next summer.

Glad I'm living and enjoying life day by day.

His reach

exceeds his grasp.

You'd think I'd learn to place his toys a bit farther away after the first time.

As you can see, Jake's quite proud of himself.

It isn't uncommon to hear Jake read to himself for the first 15-20 minutes of nap time. (Or have conversations with Dora, Boots, Backpack & Map.) Today I slipped outside to read a book in the sun. An hour later I come inside and hear him loudly playing an hour into official nap time. He's shrieking "Bare! Bare!" Of course I immediately think that he's pulled his pants and diaper off and playing in his poop. (This happened one time when I was babysitting my nephew Zion.) I rush upstairs and see (top picture.) All is well. Now we are an hour and a half into nap time and he's still happily entertaining himself. Please don't tell me that the end of nap time is near!

The taunt

French Soldier-Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Bountiful

Our rogue sunflower unveiled her head while Jake and I were in Missouri. Since our return, several more flowers have opened. This rogue plant makes me very happy. As do the deliberately planted tomatoes. We have several fat green orbs growing in our garden, though none ripe enough to pick! (I check daily!) If I feel this warm and fuzzy about our small garden, does a farmer nearly explode from the love of all things sowed?

A Mother's reflection

Fellow Bloggers,

Do you ever post a photo that you know will someday mortify your child?

I feel like I have the blogging angel and demon arguing it out on my shoulder,

though who is arguing for what is of question.

Yesterday we received a box from UPS. Inside was a bunch of hand me down clothes that Zen has outgrown, sent back for storage in case we are blessed with a second Johnson child some day. (Not yet, people.) But I continued digging since I KNOW Aunty Critter and rightly believed that there would be a happy surprise SOMEWHERE in the box. Jake immediately lit up when I pulled the pink Dora backpack from the box. He started dancing his little jig and singing the "backpack" song from Dora videos. Of course he wanted to try it on! And here are the pics. I'm posting them on this blog so someday when his future fiance is strolling down the photograph memory lane of Jake's life, he can choose to censor a viewing.

A happy compromise, don't you think?

Bidding a friend goodbye

So while I'm not exactly having buyer's remorse in purchasing a new Dell computer today, I do feel a little odd at replacing an item before it totally crashes. On the way into Micro Center, Jess posed the question, "So, are we the PC or the Mac? The old guy or the young guy?" Since we don't want to replace a keyboard or screen or have any issues with compatability, we remain a PC family. "The old guy," I responded. "Oh." Long pause. He continued, "I'm okay with that." Yeah, I'm okay with that too, though the marketing for Apple is WAY cooler than PC. (Though PC is starting to do something with that!)

This is my last entry on our trusty old Dell. Dad and Mom gave this computer to us as a wedding present nearly six years ago. It's served us well. But, unfortunately it doesn't have the capacity to utilize our web cam. Perhaps, after resting in the closet for a year or two, we can resurrect it for Jake when he's older. Jake's certainly shown fascination in it.

Other appearances

As you can see, it made random appearances throughout the year. Here it shows up in a scene performance of Macbeth.

By hook or nook

This photo was taken about six years ago. (Campbell High School in the background.) For $50 I purchased this chain mail as a hook for our Middle Ages unit in British Literature. Not only did it help captivate interest, it also became a badge of honor to make it through a whole English class wearing the heavy device!

Currently I'm trying a blog with my 8th graders. Feel free to post a comment on one of their observations on The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank. http://8ladms.blogspot.com/

Celebrating Cousins

One of my favorite things about my sister is her enthusiasm for life. Everything has the potential for an adventure. Everything of beauty, wonder and interest is worthy of looking at it wide-eyed, full of wonder. I love how she has shared this interest with her sons. Actually, this interest also spans death, too. You never know when she'll pull over on the side of the road to pick up a carcass in the name of science. : ) Wonder what's currently hiding in her freezer for a rainy day biology observation. There's certainly a reason she was dubbed "Critter" at a young age.

Zion, Zoey & Abi...the big three. I love how this photo captures such interesting expressions. Wonder what was going on in those little minds?! Cousin time is precious, especially since miles separate most of our families.

This was the year croquet was introduced to Festivus. 2003? What a unifying game. I think even the dogs served as obstacles or wickets.

Moments in time

We are about to purchase a new computer. This one has served us well but it doesn't have enough memory to install our Christmas present from Mom--a web cam for weekly Skypping. I'm in the process of sifting through digital photographs from the past six years. There are a handful of pictures that I don't want to lose so I'm walking through memory lane and attaching a handful on this blog. Take this one, for example...

Taken on the day of Kristin & Sam's Michigan wedding, it is the last shot of my family together. Two weeks later Dad went Home to Heaven. It's also the last picture that my Dad sent me in the mail. He was famous for insuring that every person featured in a particular picture had a copy (or three). The camera stores loved him for he would routinely order doubles, triples or even quadruples of every picture he took, even if it was of a squirrel, flower or rock.

You often wonder...would you want to know if something was your last? Last hug? Last conscious moment together? Last letter? Last message on a voice mail? I guess the unknown is why we need to treat each moment as a special moment. My Dad was good at that. He lived in the moment. He carried a peace, a contentment, a joy within him. He focused on whatever was at hand, not often getting distracted by busy-ness or what lay ahead. Dad loved life. He loved people. He never lost his sense of wonder. I hope that this is something I can successfully teach Jake.

I love my Mom. I have been so blessed to have a model of God's grace and unconditional love in her. When I see this photo I automatically feel the conflicting emotions of grief and joy. Before my wedding day I didn't understand that these polarities could exist on the same plane, in the same heart at the same time. Now I know. The human heart has such capacity.

Silly honeymoon pictures

Sun-kissed and relaxed on St. Thomas...

Jess always humors my fancy for cheesy pictures. Thanks, hon!

Why the Johnsons just aren't ready for a dog...

I think I'm ready to see the movie Marley and Me; I needed the proper perspective before viewing the film. For two months we've been dog sitters for my sister's 18 month old chocolate lab Jedi. She's a great dog. Patient. Sweet. Obedient-mostly. Easy going. Gentle. Playful. Energetic in spurts but content with lying around the house. She's the ideal "practice" dog. We get to live vicariously through the experience of pet ownership without the lifetime committment. (Kristin's coming down in April to retrieve her beloved.) Yet even this good dog has demonstrated that we are NOT ready for a dog.

Growing up we ALWAYS had a four legged friend. 'Course my memories of our string of pets are all idyllic since they are from a child's perspective. I remember romping in the leaves with Ginger, rolling around the living room with Josie, playing fetch with Sunset, cuddling and hiking with Tori, napping with Asia... Yet none of these experiences are colored with the responsibility of feeding, walking 3x a day, picking up poop twice a day or cleaning up torn and shredded sundry items.

Take, for example, our second day with this doggy wonder. Wanting Jedi to feel welcome in her new home, Jake and I bundled up and took her to the local dog park twice that day. I wore her out with countless ball throwing exercises. That evening Jake ate early. Since I neglected to garb him with a bib, his clothes were covered with leftovers. So as Jess walked in from a long day at work, I stripped Jake naked and let him run around the living room while we sat down to eat a hot meal. Meanwhile, Jedi was cashed out by my feet. Totally sacked. Eyes closed and quietly snoring. Suddenly Jake walks over to the dog with a determined gait and proffers her a tasty morsel of something to eat. Jedi didn't even open her eyes. Her mouth opened and closed and she swallowed the mystery item whole. Jess and I eyed each other curiously. Wonder what THAT was. Daddy decided to go check it out. Meanwhile, Jake made it back to the source and scooped up two more fistfuls of the mystery meat. Jess hollers for some help as he scoops Jake up and holds the child an arm's length away from his body. Yep...for some mysterious reason Jake decided to feed the dog his freshly dropped poop. Not sure why this notion crossed his head but he certainly wasn't happy with Daddy for the interruption. That was day two.

While she resisted the temptation of the retention pond for nearly a month, last week she finally succumed to the allure of the pond. Yes, I was slightly annoyed but it was hard to be mad for very long as she clearly was having a great time swimming about. I let her get her fill before heading home to ANOTHER bath.

Today I came home to what looked like a crime scene. Shards of broken glass littered the kitchen floor. Spots of dried blood dotted the room. Not sure what was so compelling but Jedi must have put two paws up on the counter and scooted the bowl to the edge.

Santa Clause is watching...

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/18596103/detail.html

Check out this story!

Wonder what next year's Santa House visit will bring!

Almost home

Glazed over...

Cashed out.

One mile from home.

Sunday's rock

My favorite day of the week is Sunday.

I love waking up to the sounds of my son as an alarm clock.

I love our joint ritual of making pancakes. ("p-cakes")

I love drafting behind my toddler on the stairs as we ascend to wake Da-Da.

I love listening to "Gold for Praise" on the radio on the way to church and the fact that my husband doesn't seem to mind my off key singing.

I love the watching Jess walk hand in hand with Jake down Waumba Land hallway. (our church's pre-school program.

I love singing praise songs with the NPCC band and the fact that a huge mass of people are worshiping and seeking God.

I love holding hands with my husband while listening to Andy Stanley's preaching. (And the sermon today was awesome!)

I even love the drive home, listening to Jake battle his fatigue.

I love a fat family naptime, intimacy with my husband and a leisurely afternoon.

Sunday's rock.